craplos: ladies. be careful when u wear spaghetti straps. it might distract the boys. they’ll start thinking of spaghetti. they will get hungry. they will stop at nothing to get their spaghetti.
vaspim: Dating is so awkward. Whoever my future gf may be, I never wanna meet your parents. Your ass better be a damn orphan. That’s my new policy I only date orphans
honksy: *on my deathbed* nurse: do you have any last words me: i………..regret……being so……m…..mean………and heartless……………. *the light goes out of my eyes* *a small piece of paper falls out of my hand* *the paper says one word only* “sike”
vocaroo: this is the most polite porn pop-up advertisement i’ve ever seen
thebluthcompany: cinematicshit: I love Arrested Development but I have no love for its crazy fans who quote everything even the lines that are not that funny and talk about it all the time and make all their Facebook cover photos into screenshots from the show.
You alone are the judge of your worth and your goal is to discover infinite...– Deepak Chopra (via 13thmoon)
chafing-nipples: dangermat: when bananas rot they secrete stuff that makes other fruit including bananas near them rot faster that’s so fucked up that is murder suicide bananas commit murder suicide that’s pretty fucking metal
westbor0baptistchurch: inbox: does tumblr have cheat codes it’s called being physically attractive
14th2: aiclan: afrogay: if i die my funerals gonna be the biggest fucken party and you’re all invited if great, the only party ive ever been invited to and he might not even die
thegoatking: (posts selfie) (gets message immediately)
rnedia: everyone in harry potter treated luna like she was crazy for believing in weird shit like they didn’t go to wizard high school
How Supernatural Should End:
jeric-kripke: SCENE FADE CUE MUSIC
margaerynn: howdyspacebuddy: i just want that when it’s finally revealed that Hannibal has been eating people everyone will freak out and then one person will just be like #i need lee pace to come on the show and be that person tho
brvdleysoileau: how is “slut” even an insult wtf get that dick grl
1atula: 1atula: 1atula: guys im going to cr y my middle name starts with i and my first name is carla my parents got me the license plate icarla i cant drive my car anymore im leaving the country GUYS THE PLATE CAME IN AND THE FUCKING GOVERNMENT MISSPELT MY NAME MY LICENSE PLATE SAYS ICARLY ON IT GUYS
pizza: i was trying to find how to attach a photo to an email and found out that you can lose your v-card via email now
When someone reminds me that life is short, it doesn’t make me want to go out and live. It makes me want to make sure I watch as much TV as I can before I die.
njena: i think the reason perfume commercials are so weird is because they have to advertise a smell without using smells
just-laff: egberts: if i ever met a genie i wouldnt wish for a million dollars id wish that whenever i bought something i’d always have the right amount of money to pay for it in my pocket you are one of the great thinkers of our time
skankplissken: my family almost started a fucking riot because we were playing a trivia game and the answer to ‘what’s scooby doo’s favorite food’ wasn’t ‘scooby snacks’ but ‘pizza’
dorfs: Woops my 10 minute study break turned into a whole year
nigerian: [singing in shower] [simon cowell appears] “its a no from me”
buttlicked: *touches ur butt* sorry it was an assident.
cradily: did somebody say cute girls
nerdfithers: oneboredjeu: nerdfithers: nerdfithers: i opened both my water and my electricity bills at once needless to say i was shocked get out this is my post you get out
ostracizedpoodle: the anon is coming from inside the house